Brilliant Literature

Word up doggs,

A little while ago an associate of mine asked me to write a brilliant and insightful play for them to perform/recite in front of a High School English class. As I had "had a few" by this point of the evening, I graciously obliged, and here is the masterpiece I came up with. Enjoy

Brilliant Hamlet Play

Setting: Manchester, 2007. Horatio is a builder who’s gone ‘round Karl Pilkington’s flat to fix the broken boiler. Karl is later explaining to his mate Hamlet what happened.

Karl: “So the first thing he says when he pops into the flat, after wakin’ me up at the crack of dawn, is ‘Alright, mate? Is that pub down the street any good?’”

Hamlet: “Ha Ha! So then what did you say?”

Karl: “Well, I just said flat out: ‘it doesn’t matter, does it? You’ll be ‘ere, fixin’ the boiler!”

Hamlet: “Right! I’m just gonna stop you there. Imagine saying that to a builder who’s just came into your house! He’s gonna be right mental after that!”

Karl: “What?! I was just reminding him that he’s there to do a job, not to bum around.”

Hamlet: “He knows why he’s there, Karl! You don’t need to remind him. He’s not going ‘Why am I here, again? Was it to hang out at the pub for a week? And what am I doing holding this toolbox? Also, who’s this baldy Manc twat standing here insulting me?”

Karl: “Well, he did go to work, so it should be all good now.”

Hamlet: “You’re havin’ a laugh! He’s probably pissing in the laundry bin as we speak.”

Karl: “No…. do you reckon he would?”

Hamlet: “To wee, or not to wee. That is the question.”

FIN